hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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