I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
