dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize