Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
