i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
