I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
