You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
