please come you make the beer taste better
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
