i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
