apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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