We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
