Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
