You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
