Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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