I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
