everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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