so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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