i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
