he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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