I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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