ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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