So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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