Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
