Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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