I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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