I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
