i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
