Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
