I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
