he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
