This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
