I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
