He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
