You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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