what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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