I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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