I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize