i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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