I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
