fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
