Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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