Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
