Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
