After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
