I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
