The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
