SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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