woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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