im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
