That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
