I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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