If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
