I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
