it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize