I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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