She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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