I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
