i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize