In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
