You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
