he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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