Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
