I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
