fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
