I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
