erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
