I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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