I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
