it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
