I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
