i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is wine microwaveable?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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