Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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