if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
